Recently I've been,
Hopelessly reaching
Out for this girl,
Who's out of this world.
Believe me.
She's got a boyfriend
He drives her round the bend
Cos he's 23
He's in the marines
He'd kill me
For so many nights now
I find myself thinking about her now.
'Cause obviously,
She's out of my league
But how can I win
She keeps draggin' me in
and I know I never will be good enough for her.
No, no Never will be good enough for her.
Gotta escape now
Get on a plane now. yeah
Off to L.A and that's where I'll stay, for two years.
For cheatingI'll put it behind me(i'll put it behind me)
Go to a place where she cant find me. yeah.
'Cause obviously,
She's out of my leeague,
I'm wastin' my time
'Cause she'll never be mine
I know i never will be good enough for her.
No, no Never will be good enough for her
She's outta my head
And I never know where I stand
Cos I know I'm not good enough for her
He's good enough for her (for her, for her)
-- Obviously
McFly
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
How come people who lead simple lives want lives which are glamorous, exciting or even dangerous? And ppl with exciting lives want to lead simple lives?
How come some people seem to have everything but they are always seeking for more? And ppl who are born with so little are happy as they are content?
How come some PHD holders are constantly seeking answers to questions they can nv answer while some with a minimal education level seem to a "look-through" life?
How come some people are born into a safe and peaceful environment and lead a safe and preaceful life? And others are born into danger zones and grow up wondering if they can live to see the next day or be killed the next minute?
How come some people are always seeking for more information, more knowledge, when the old adage "Ignorance is bliss" is so true?
How come some people find their life partners at their first try, but others have to go through much heartbreak before they find true love; and some never do?
How come people can feel so differently about each other?
How come some people seem to have everything but they are always seeking for more? And ppl who are born with so little are happy as they are content?
How come some PHD holders are constantly seeking answers to questions they can nv answer while some with a minimal education level seem to a "look-through" life?
How come some people are born into a safe and peaceful environment and lead a safe and preaceful life? And others are born into danger zones and grow up wondering if they can live to see the next day or be killed the next minute?
How come some people are always seeking for more information, more knowledge, when the old adage "Ignorance is bliss" is so true?
How come some people find their life partners at their first try, but others have to go through much heartbreak before they find true love; and some never do?
How come people can feel so differently about each other?
-- Just some questions that do not require answering ..
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Did this handwriting analysis thing from Cruz Teng's blog.. Some accurate, some a 'lil absurd.. Hehe. Read on ....
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Joy has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Joy fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as she moves down the page. If this is true, then Joy has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Joy is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Joy is leaving the past behind and moving on to what she perceives as an exciting and enticing future.
Er, I'm not really sure if this is true. But I do know that stms I tend to hang on to past r'ships and can't seem to get over some things. And I do know that I don't really perceive the future as exciting and enticing which should be the last thing I should be worrying about. I might fantasize about what I will do in future, but I worry about getting a job, blah blah.
Something is incomplete in Joy's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Joy's sexual needs.
I burst out laughing when I read the last sentence. I'm 18, I.. don't really know what it means to be sexually fustrated. Haha. Seriously, I do feel fustrated right now, because of a lot of things, emotionally, mentally and physically.
Joy is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Joy basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.
I don't really make goals, esp long-term and impt ones. I usually only make short-term, not so impt ones. Haha. 'Cos I know that the long term impt ones will just go forgotten and I might nv achieve it. And I don't have that great a self-esteem. Ginnette once told me that stms she feels that I have a lot, and stms I have v little. And that's what I feel most times. It depends on the situation and the activity that I'm engaged in, and my confidence comes only when i'm sure of what i'm doing. So is that counted as high self-esteem or low? There were especially a few problems I was struggling with.
Because Joy has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. Joy is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Joy is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble!
This part is rather true. Except for the last few sentences. Haha. I do get a grasp of things quickly. As in, you tell me once and i'll aga-aga get the idea. And, I do get irritated by slow-thinkers and talkers and doers. Haha. Just ask Meihui. I used to get irritated by her cos she does things so slowly, when i'm rushing for time. ANother thing is I don't like, and in fact hate, people who talk to me like i'm a kid. I once got upset over it in sec sch and I still don't like it. BUT, I have nv been faster than the people in my class. In fact, I have always been the last few in class. Haha. Mayb it's because I have always been in a class where my clsmates are all over-achievers. True! In pri 5&6 I was in the only EM1 cls, and my good friends were all smartie-pants. Almost all of them got 245 and above for their PSLE. In sec 3&4, my cls was again full of smarties, cos I was in one of the top 2 classes in sch. The boys were all geniuses, and the two girls sitting in front of me were super smart. So u see? If I was a troublemaker, it must be because I was too lazy to study. Haha.
Joy is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.
Okay, this part is very very really really true. I don't share things with others easily, esp personal stuff. Things that I might not even tell my husband in future. I shy away from intimate conversations that require me to tell the other party my personal problems and such. Thought and feelings on a certain matter is alright, but nv problems. I just have a problem with confiding in someone else. I think most of friends have noticed something like that, and my sis always gets fustrated that I don't tell her anything. Haha. But that's me.
Joy is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs.
THis is real accurate too. I'm a Christian, and I'm not afraid to say it. But I have a problem with talking to others about my faith, even a small one with my Christian friends, church friends. And it's true, I don't feel ashamed or anything. It's just something I have to overcome. Sometimes when I like sth in particular, I feel qualms talking abt it too. Cos I'm afraid ppl will judge me based on that.
Joy uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Joy does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. Joy will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. Joy is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"
I'm actually not sure if this segment is accurate. I have had lots of comments and feedback to me saying that I always look so unruffled and steady especially in times of exam, projects. Esp this semester. But then I think about how Cheng2 and the rest are always telling me that I look or sound fierce; that isn't exactly ruled by head right? Cos I do know that I have a quick temper. If somebody gets me mad enough to tell him/her off, I will feel guilty after that. It has happened so many times, that I have no idea y I get flare my temper somebody if I'm going to feel so bad and guilty after that. I haven't met any real emergency situations so I do not know if I will keep my cool, so I'll let you know next time. And yes, I do work better when I do not have a mob around me. I like being alone, and I enjoy it. I always enjoy time alone at home when my parents and sis are out. Saves me the trouble of catering to another person. That's y I like shopping alone, and yearn to travel alone one day. If the r'ship with my parents, sis and friends can be used as an example, then yes, I show my love more physically than verbally.
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Joy doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
Again, I'm not sure about this. Stms I feel that I simply suck at striking conversations and being sociable. I don't know how ppl like my sis and Liz make small talk with ppl they barely know. When i'm in a bad mood I'll go out of my way to avoid a friend or whatever i meet on the streets because I do not want to pretend to smile and be happy. So, in conclusion, this part is rather untrue. Cos I can't interact socially for nuts. Like that how to be tai tai?? Hehe.
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Joy has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Joy fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as she moves down the page. If this is true, then Joy has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Joy is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Joy is leaving the past behind and moving on to what she perceives as an exciting and enticing future.
Er, I'm not really sure if this is true. But I do know that stms I tend to hang on to past r'ships and can't seem to get over some things. And I do know that I don't really perceive the future as exciting and enticing which should be the last thing I should be worrying about. I might fantasize about what I will do in future, but I worry about getting a job, blah blah.
Something is incomplete in Joy's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Joy's sexual needs.
I burst out laughing when I read the last sentence. I'm 18, I.. don't really know what it means to be sexually fustrated. Haha. Seriously, I do feel fustrated right now, because of a lot of things, emotionally, mentally and physically.
Joy is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Joy basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.
I don't really make goals, esp long-term and impt ones. I usually only make short-term, not so impt ones. Haha. 'Cos I know that the long term impt ones will just go forgotten and I might nv achieve it. And I don't have that great a self-esteem. Ginnette once told me that stms she feels that I have a lot, and stms I have v little. And that's what I feel most times. It depends on the situation and the activity that I'm engaged in, and my confidence comes only when i'm sure of what i'm doing. So is that counted as high self-esteem or low? There were especially a few problems I was struggling with.
Because Joy has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. Joy is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Joy is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble!
This part is rather true. Except for the last few sentences. Haha. I do get a grasp of things quickly. As in, you tell me once and i'll aga-aga get the idea. And, I do get irritated by slow-thinkers and talkers and doers. Haha. Just ask Meihui. I used to get irritated by her cos she does things so slowly, when i'm rushing for time. ANother thing is I don't like, and in fact hate, people who talk to me like i'm a kid. I once got upset over it in sec sch and I still don't like it. BUT, I have nv been faster than the people in my class. In fact, I have always been the last few in class. Haha. Mayb it's because I have always been in a class where my clsmates are all over-achievers. True! In pri 5&6 I was in the only EM1 cls, and my good friends were all smartie-pants. Almost all of them got 245 and above for their PSLE. In sec 3&4, my cls was again full of smarties, cos I was in one of the top 2 classes in sch. The boys were all geniuses, and the two girls sitting in front of me were super smart. So u see? If I was a troublemaker, it must be because I was too lazy to study. Haha.
Joy is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.
Okay, this part is very very really really true. I don't share things with others easily, esp personal stuff. Things that I might not even tell my husband in future. I shy away from intimate conversations that require me to tell the other party my personal problems and such. Thought and feelings on a certain matter is alright, but nv problems. I just have a problem with confiding in someone else. I think most of friends have noticed something like that, and my sis always gets fustrated that I don't tell her anything. Haha. But that's me.
Joy is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs.
THis is real accurate too. I'm a Christian, and I'm not afraid to say it. But I have a problem with talking to others about my faith, even a small one with my Christian friends, church friends. And it's true, I don't feel ashamed or anything. It's just something I have to overcome. Sometimes when I like sth in particular, I feel qualms talking abt it too. Cos I'm afraid ppl will judge me based on that.
Joy uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Joy does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. Joy will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. Joy is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"
I'm actually not sure if this segment is accurate. I have had lots of comments and feedback to me saying that I always look so unruffled and steady especially in times of exam, projects. Esp this semester. But then I think about how Cheng2 and the rest are always telling me that I look or sound fierce; that isn't exactly ruled by head right? Cos I do know that I have a quick temper. If somebody gets me mad enough to tell him/her off, I will feel guilty after that. It has happened so many times, that I have no idea y I get flare my temper somebody if I'm going to feel so bad and guilty after that. I haven't met any real emergency situations so I do not know if I will keep my cool, so I'll let you know next time. And yes, I do work better when I do not have a mob around me. I like being alone, and I enjoy it. I always enjoy time alone at home when my parents and sis are out. Saves me the trouble of catering to another person. That's y I like shopping alone, and yearn to travel alone one day. If the r'ship with my parents, sis and friends can be used as an example, then yes, I show my love more physically than verbally.
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Joy doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
Again, I'm not sure about this. Stms I feel that I simply suck at striking conversations and being sociable. I don't know how ppl like my sis and Liz make small talk with ppl they barely know. When i'm in a bad mood I'll go out of my way to avoid a friend or whatever i meet on the streets because I do not want to pretend to smile and be happy. So, in conclusion, this part is rather untrue. Cos I can't interact socially for nuts. Like that how to be tai tai?? Hehe.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Had fun on Wed with the bodohs and intellectuals again. Heh. Met in the morning to go kbox lunch, finally, and sang our hearts out. But, Calvin, that bodoh head, refused to sing into the mic though he knew almost all the songs. Kookoo. Anyway, Denise came to meet after that and we spent an hr in toys'r us. Played around with the toys, and even played soccer. Haha, made a lot or noise and we kept laughing. Were a tad tired after that and Denise kept saying it's cos we haven't had PE in a long time. Heh.
Went to eat Sakae's buffet lunch at 3 and we were cheated when they sent us the dessert. They put Mochi Dumplings as their dessert and we assumed that it's Mochi ice-cream. Who knew that it really is dumpling, with tau sa inside. So we had no choice but to force ourselves to finish it all. Haha.
Walked ard TM and Century Sq and I did a bodoh thing while queueing in the toilet. Bodohly, I asked Jia Hong what's her chinese name. Haha, that's the most bodoh thing I did that day. Corrin even said I can be the Bodoh Queen. Haha.
Went to eat Sakae's buffet lunch at 3 and we were cheated when they sent us the dessert. They put Mochi Dumplings as their dessert and we assumed that it's Mochi ice-cream. Who knew that it really is dumpling, with tau sa inside. So we had no choice but to force ourselves to finish it all. Haha.
Walked ard TM and Century Sq and I did a bodoh thing while queueing in the toilet. Bodohly, I asked Jia Hong what's her chinese name. Haha, that's the most bodoh thing I did that day. Corrin even said I can be the Bodoh Queen. Haha.
Keeping myself occupied so as to stop thinking
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Yeah!!! The exams are finally over and the holidays are here! I have officially finished this sem and all I hope right now is that there are no major drops in my coursework grades like last yr. Going to enjoy myself for the next two mths, though I have not considered how.. Haha. But I need to think abt my SIP thing, and I still do not know where I can apply to. Hmm... Any good suggestions?
Anyway, looking forward to meeting up with all my friends this hols, and hope I can do sth meaningful besides working and working and tuitioning. Just thinking abt last hols makes me sad. Haha.
Anyway, just to mention sth. Was feeling quite moody last week, esp on Mon and Tues. That's why I didn't really update my blog last week, except for the pictures. I'm ok now, at least I don't have the exams weighing on my mind now. It's one, no four burdens off my mind, and i'm currently trying to forget abt whatever that is making me moody. Although it's to no avail, hope that I can succeed one day.
Anyway, looking forward to meeting up with all my friends this hols, and hope I can do sth meaningful besides working and working and tuitioning. Just thinking abt last hols makes me sad. Haha.
Anyway, just to mention sth. Was feeling quite moody last week, esp on Mon and Tues. That's why I didn't really update my blog last week, except for the pictures. I'm ok now, at least I don't have the exams weighing on my mind now. It's one, no four burdens off my mind, and i'm currently trying to forget abt whatever that is making me moody. Although it's to no avail, hope that I can succeed one day.
Sometimes I question my self-worth ..
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Had one of the best days of my life today. Spent the entire day laughing, giggling, cracking up, while waiting for lecture, during lecture, during tutorials, during break, on our way to TM, and in Mac's. From 9 till 5. Full-time laughers all of us. I really cannot imagine another day out with them. Bodohs and Intellectuals. Haha. We laughed abt almost everything we could. Each other, things that happened during our childhood, our notorious clsmates, everything. Really really enjoyed my last day in sch. Cos there were no pressures, no deadlines, no stress. And the company was really great. I really hope that our plans to go Sentosa for 3D2N can fall through.
The semester has finally come to an end. And it hasn't exactly been an easy one. The new things, new people we had to get used to; the many many deadlines; the atrocious tutor. Amazing that we got through this sem in one piece, but the next 2 wil be worse. Haha.
Anyway, I really thank God for all the blessings He has given me this semester. Thank Him for my grp mates who were great. Couldn't have done it without them. Thank Him for the Bodohs and the Intellectuals. Thank Him for the great tutors. Thank Him for the chance to work with Subway. Thank Him for the laughs, and bonding. And for the stress and pressure that made me perform. Thank you God.
The semester has finally come to an end. And it hasn't exactly been an easy one. The new things, new people we had to get used to; the many many deadlines; the atrocious tutor. Amazing that we got through this sem in one piece, but the next 2 wil be worse. Haha.
Anyway, I really thank God for all the blessings He has given me this semester. Thank Him for my grp mates who were great. Couldn't have done it without them. Thank Him for the Bodohs and the Intellectuals. Thank Him for the great tutors. Thank Him for the chance to work with Subway. Thank Him for the laughs, and bonding. And for the stress and pressure that made me perform. Thank you God.
He's drinking cold Corona
Feels like his getting older
Now and noticing how he's finding
Grey hairs left in the shower
Tattoos fade by the hour
And he can't understand these feelings
Why life is getting him down
He used to smile now he frowns
And cries inside
Its been this way for a while
And he can't seem to put things right
When life has been unkind
And you're losing your mind
Look in the mirror afraid of what you'll find
It feels like time's not on your side
He doesn't like to mention
Applying for his pension
So his children don't know he's
Into a mid-life crisis
He cant afford the prices for
The new kitchen floor he's buying
He's been a drunk all his life
Two kids, a dog and a wife
He doesn't know
And in the daytime he just sits and watches television shows
When life has been unkind
And you're losing your mind
Look in the mirror afraid of what you'll find
It feels like time's not on your side
Dont know why but somehow
The ones you love you hate now,
You feel down and blue
Look at what you've thrown away
They stood beside you all the way
Now its too late, its too late for you
When life has been unkind
And you're losing your mind
Look in the mirror afraid of what you'll find
It feels like time's not on your side
- The Ballad of Paul K - McFly
Went to granduncle's hse on Sunday to visit him cos he was ill with senile dementia. He already had it last CNY and I remembered when he cried when he realised he couldn't recognise all of us. I had forgotten until my sis brought it up. I have forgotten how I felt last CNY, but as I saw the condition he was in last Sunday, I couldn't help but feel my heart going out to him. His mother, who is my great-grandmother had senile dementia too before she passed away. But her condition was totally different. At least, she was happy during her illness and even her last days. But my grand-uncle, he was just, there. You know?
When we reached there he was just slouching on the sofa listening to some music. And he couldn't talk, because the muscles in his tongue had contracted. And his wife told us that one day, she let him help in plucking some things so as to exercise his arms. It was an easy task, but he couldn't do it. And he got so frustrated with himself that he went to the room to cry. When his wife said this, my parents, sis, aunt and uncle laughed a little. But I just couldn't cos I could imagine his frustration at that time of not being able to do such a simple thing. And of cos we were talking about him throughout the visit cos he was the purpose of the visit. But he was right there in the living room with us! Although he couldn't talk, he could hear! And they were talking as if he wasn't there. It was, for a lack of better words, degrading.
The aim of this entry is not to criticise whoever's actions, but to tell you about something that almost made me cry last Sunday.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Haven't blogged in a long time. Haven't had 10hrs of slp in a long time. Haven't read a novel straight for 3 or 4 hrs. Haven't slacked in front of the computer or the tv in ages.
What if I took the initiative back then? What if I took it now? What if it was me? What if I could turn back time and begin all over again?
What if I took the initiative back then? What if I took it now? What if it was me? What if I could turn back time and begin all over again?
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Really enjoyed the past few days of CNY. I always enjoy time with my relatives. Played mahjong for the past 3 days, which is a difference from what we played in the past. You know, before we all knew how to play mahjong, we played blackjack. Not much to say, just that i appreciate these 3 days of reprieve from my school work. Thank God these 3 days came in time. Gotta work on my projects after blogging this. Just hope that I can concentrate. Haha.
The week before that was quite hectic, esp the last few days, thurs and fri. Esp Friday. We had the tourism presentation in e afternoon and 3 other deadlines. Amazingly, we managed to meet them all. After e presentation, went to PS first to buy sth, then met cc and rena and waited for the rest of them. Went to Swensen's for dinner. Ate the apple and banana crumble for dessert. Nice. A little sweet, but still.
Time passes so quickly. In 2 weeks time, sch term will be over and it'll be the study week. And my year 2 in poly is over just like that. I can't believe I'm gonna be a senior from next sem onwards. And i can't believe i'm turning 19 in May. Ar!!!!!!
The week before that was quite hectic, esp the last few days, thurs and fri. Esp Friday. We had the tourism presentation in e afternoon and 3 other deadlines. Amazingly, we managed to meet them all. After e presentation, went to PS first to buy sth, then met cc and rena and waited for the rest of them. Went to Swensen's for dinner. Ate the apple and banana crumble for dessert. Nice. A little sweet, but still.
Time passes so quickly. In 2 weeks time, sch term will be over and it'll be the study week. And my year 2 in poly is over just like that. I can't believe I'm gonna be a senior from next sem onwards. And i can't believe i'm turning 19 in May. Ar!!!!!!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Over the course of the past two weeks, I've discovered that I'm a very bad comforter. As in, bad at comforting others. Three friends broke down because of projects and/or personal probs, and I had no idea how to comfort them. Sad sia. Haha.
I think I'm a bit like a guy. I panic when I see ppl crying. I'll get all awkward and won't know what to say. Haha. Seriously! I really don't know how to say the right words, how to reassure them that everything will be alright and so on. I seriously suck at that. Hmm ..
I think I'm a bit like a guy. I panic when I see ppl crying. I'll get all awkward and won't know what to say. Haha. Seriously! I really don't know how to say the right words, how to reassure them that everything will be alright and so on. I seriously suck at that. Hmm ..
I am very very very tired right now. Woke up at 5 this morn to print stuff for tourism project. Slept at 12 last night after staying till 10 in sch. I think that's the ultimate la. Have nv stayed so late in sch before, except for the FOC. But that was camp la, so not counted.
Anyway, have been rushing the two projects due today for the past week. One, for nonexistent reasons because I think we were asked to a lot more unnecessarily than we should have. And the second, because we kept putting it off.
Had a crazy day yday. The entire day was dedicated to projects. Haha. But we didn't concentrate on that all day la. Not so hardworking. Ate a lot of tidbits, sweets. Made a lot of jokes, and they were all insane ones. Hah. At 9.50, the central sys sent a msg to all coms saying that they are closing in 10mins. So we kiasu-ly saved all our work. Haha. Then we went for dinper (dinner + supper) at e kopitiam across the road. Came up with a new bad word. Haha. Super hilarious. And we decided to wear kookoo the next day. As in stuff that attracts attention.
As I said, woke up at 5. Reached sch at 8plus. Did project all the way till 2 when we were kicked out. heh. Went to e com lab where we finally finalised our tourism report, printed out everything and heaved a huge sigh of relief. Really thank God we didn't have to rush till the last min.
Rmb we had to wear kookoo? Krystle, Gwen and bryne brought super cheesy hats to sch, so we were like walking everywhere with them. And ppl do stare. Rude or what.
WEnt for a movie after that with corrin and calvin. Watched cheaper by the dozen 2, though we haven't caught the first one. Heh. Quite funny. and touching. But since we didn't watch the first one, we couldn't make comparisons. But looking back, the movie seems quite short.
Think Krystle and Gwen are still busy editing their grp's work for tourism. So, wish them all the best. Hope they won't be so stressed out.
I have a qns for my readers. Am I anti-joy? Krystle and the rest are all saying i'm anti-joy. Shld be cos i'm always making those caustic remarks. Haha. But seriously, am I? Pls post ur ans in my tagboard. Thanks! heh.
Anyway, have been rushing the two projects due today for the past week. One, for nonexistent reasons because I think we were asked to a lot more unnecessarily than we should have. And the second, because we kept putting it off.
Had a crazy day yday. The entire day was dedicated to projects. Haha. But we didn't concentrate on that all day la. Not so hardworking. Ate a lot of tidbits, sweets. Made a lot of jokes, and they were all insane ones. Hah. At 9.50, the central sys sent a msg to all coms saying that they are closing in 10mins. So we kiasu-ly saved all our work. Haha. Then we went for dinper (dinner + supper) at e kopitiam across the road. Came up with a new bad word. Haha. Super hilarious. And we decided to wear kookoo the next day. As in stuff that attracts attention.
As I said, woke up at 5. Reached sch at 8plus. Did project all the way till 2 when we were kicked out. heh. Went to e com lab where we finally finalised our tourism report, printed out everything and heaved a huge sigh of relief. Really thank God we didn't have to rush till the last min.
Rmb we had to wear kookoo? Krystle, Gwen and bryne brought super cheesy hats to sch, so we were like walking everywhere with them. And ppl do stare. Rude or what.
WEnt for a movie after that with corrin and calvin. Watched cheaper by the dozen 2, though we haven't caught the first one. Heh. Quite funny. and touching. But since we didn't watch the first one, we couldn't make comparisons. But looking back, the movie seems quite short.
Think Krystle and Gwen are still busy editing their grp's work for tourism. So, wish them all the best. Hope they won't be so stressed out.
I have a qns for my readers. Am I anti-joy? Krystle and the rest are all saying i'm anti-joy. Shld be cos i'm always making those caustic remarks. Haha. But seriously, am I? Pls post ur ans in my tagboard. Thanks! heh.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
I planned to do this two weeks ago, but i kept putting it off cos of other stuff, and now here's my resolution and all those things I was supposed to write for the new year. Haha.
2005 passed very quickly for me, and according to several other people, it did for them too. Ginnette asked me if anything significant or big happened to me last yr, and frankly speaking, I cannot really think of any. Perhaps not nothing, cos I did get baptised after all. Haha. And that was really a blessing. But other than that.. maybe I do not count my blessings, that's all. Cos I'm sure I am blessed. But I learnt a lot last year.
I learnt that the people you think you know best are not as they seem. I learnt that I must start treating my friends better without expecting anything from them. Only that will make me happy.
And most importantly of all, I learnt that people always hide things from each other, consciously or unconsciously, deliberately or inadvertently, for whatever reasons, no matter your relationship. Why? Everybody has secrets, things you do not want to let others know, even your closest friend. But why is there a need for secrets? For self-preservation? Or is it something else? I don't deny that I do keep a lot of things from my friends and people around me. And I do wonder why. I guess, it's a matter of trust. I .. do not trust the people around me, so I guess I can't expect them to trust me too. Do unto others what you would have them do to you. Right? So I guess I deserve all that.
I'm still harping on that incident last mth, and I might never forget it. Not because I'm still feeling bitter, but because it was a lesson to me.
Okay, resolutions. I didn't make them in the past because I know I'll nv keep them, so what's the use? Haha. But for the sake of making resolutions, I shall make them.
First of all, is to stay strong in my faith.
Secondly, to grab opportunities when they arise.
Thirdly, to give without expecting.
Last of all, to learn to trust.
2005 passed very quickly for me, and according to several other people, it did for them too. Ginnette asked me if anything significant or big happened to me last yr, and frankly speaking, I cannot really think of any. Perhaps not nothing, cos I did get baptised after all. Haha. And that was really a blessing. But other than that.. maybe I do not count my blessings, that's all. Cos I'm sure I am blessed. But I learnt a lot last year.
I learnt that the people you think you know best are not as they seem. I learnt that I must start treating my friends better without expecting anything from them. Only that will make me happy.
And most importantly of all, I learnt that people always hide things from each other, consciously or unconsciously, deliberately or inadvertently, for whatever reasons, no matter your relationship. Why? Everybody has secrets, things you do not want to let others know, even your closest friend. But why is there a need for secrets? For self-preservation? Or is it something else? I don't deny that I do keep a lot of things from my friends and people around me. And I do wonder why. I guess, it's a matter of trust. I .. do not trust the people around me, so I guess I can't expect them to trust me too. Do unto others what you would have them do to you. Right? So I guess I deserve all that.
I'm still harping on that incident last mth, and I might never forget it. Not because I'm still feeling bitter, but because it was a lesson to me.
Okay, resolutions. I didn't make them in the past because I know I'll nv keep them, so what's the use? Haha. But for the sake of making resolutions, I shall make them.
First of all, is to stay strong in my faith.
Secondly, to grab opportunities when they arise.
Thirdly, to give without expecting.
Last of all, to learn to trust.
- I hope you read this -
Monday, January 09, 2006
Friday, January 06, 2006
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
He lived all alone, in a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney with presents to give, and to see just who might in this home live.
I looked all about, such a strange sight did I see, no tinsel, no presents not even a tree.
No stocking by the mantle, just boots filled with sand, on the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.
With medals and badges, awards of all kinds, a sober thought flew through my mind.
For this house was different, and so dark and dreary, I'd found the home of a soldier, that I could see clearly.
The soldier lay sleeping, all silent, alone, curled up on the floor of this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle, the room in disorder, not how I pictured a United States soldier.
Was this the hero of whom I'd just read? Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?
I realised the families that I saw this night, owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.
Soon around the world, the children would play, and grown-ups would celebrate a bright Christmas Day.
They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year, because of the soldiers, like the one lying here.
I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone, on a cold Christmas eve in a land far away from home.
The very thought brought a tear to my eye, I dropped to my knees and started to cry.
The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice, "Santa, don't cry, this life is my choice;
I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more, My life is my God, my country, my corps."
The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep. I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.
I kept watch for hours, so silent and still and we both shivered from the cold night's chill.
I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night, this guardian of honour so willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice so soft and pure, whispered, "Carry on, Santa, It's Christmas Day. All is secure."
One look at my watch, and I knew he was right. "Merry Christmas, my friend, and to all a good night."
- This poem was written by a Marine stationed in Okinawa Japan - Origination Unknown -
I know the world didn't look upon kindly on the US soldiers ever since Bush decided to attack the Middle East. But just stop for a moment, and think of all the men and women who died out there for their country. Not only in this recent war. WWI, WWII, the Vietnam war, the Gulf war. Sometimes we only think about what we can see, and not what is happenning behind the scenes, where all the ugly things happen.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Had a super tiring day on Saturday. Haha. Went for practice at 10 in e morn. Then we went for lunch in Paya Lebar, waited super long for the rest to come, then it was off to Marina South. Actually intended to play frisbee at the open field, but the ground was muddy, and it rained after a while, so we went to play bowling instead. After bowling, we went to eat steamboat and then came the tiring part. Jialin had a good idea to walk to Suntec to find a cafe or sth to chill. And the thing is, she wasn't sure the way there. All she knew was there was a park with an underpass leading to the CBD area. But, after walking ard the entire park in an hr, we found out that the underpass was under renovation. So, we decided to walk back to marina bay mrt station to take a train to city hall. Stupid right. Haha. But there were a lot of laughs along the way la. So it was a very weird form of fellowship la.
Anyway, we couldn't find any place that was relatively empty enough for us to find a table for 9, so we could walk ard somemore. Finally, we settled on going to Jialin's apartment in Geylang. I have no idea y that didn't come up earlier. Haha. At jialin's hse, we played cards, watched tv, had a very not high count-down and krystal and i kept putting kevin down. Haha.
Went to my grandma's hse on Sun. Ate a lot again cos my aunt bought some stuff there, and my ahma made char hoon which is my fave, and kung ba bao. So.. ya. And we went to eat supper at abt 10. So I was eating almost throughout the day la.
Slacked Mon away at home. Not v sure what I did, only rmb preparing the pineapple tarts fillings in e evening. Haha. Spent the entire day in sch on Tues till 6 sth. Then i went home to carry on my task last evening. That's what happens when i ask my mother to make sth.
Went to meet Jane for lunch today cos i wanted to go collect my pay. Haha. Went to eat Subway in RC. Then Jane went back to work, and i went upstairs to coffee club. Then i waited while Joselin ate her lunch then i went home. Anyway, got scolded by joselin cos i haven't worked in a long time, abt 3 weeks, but i could still get pay. haha. Haven't seen her in mths and she scolds me the moment she sees me... Chey!
Anyway, we couldn't find any place that was relatively empty enough for us to find a table for 9, so we could walk ard somemore. Finally, we settled on going to Jialin's apartment in Geylang. I have no idea y that didn't come up earlier. Haha. At jialin's hse, we played cards, watched tv, had a very not high count-down and krystal and i kept putting kevin down. Haha.
Went to my grandma's hse on Sun. Ate a lot again cos my aunt bought some stuff there, and my ahma made char hoon which is my fave, and kung ba bao. So.. ya. And we went to eat supper at abt 10. So I was eating almost throughout the day la.
Slacked Mon away at home. Not v sure what I did, only rmb preparing the pineapple tarts fillings in e evening. Haha. Spent the entire day in sch on Tues till 6 sth. Then i went home to carry on my task last evening. That's what happens when i ask my mother to make sth.
Went to meet Jane for lunch today cos i wanted to go collect my pay. Haha. Went to eat Subway in RC. Then Jane went back to work, and i went upstairs to coffee club. Then i waited while Joselin ate her lunch then i went home. Anyway, got scolded by joselin cos i haven't worked in a long time, abt 3 weeks, but i could still get pay. haha. Haven't seen her in mths and she scolds me the moment she sees me... Chey!
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do is grow old with you
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you
I'll miss you
I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
I'll need you
I'll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you
I think this is the sweetest thing a guy can ever say to his girl, that he wants to grow old with her. A very simple phrase that says everything.
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do is grow old with you
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you
I'll miss you
I'll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
I'll need you
I'll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you
I think this is the sweetest thing a guy can ever say to his girl, that he wants to grow old with her. A very simple phrase that says everything.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Don't have much to blog about, 'cos I didn't have much of a life the past week. Haha. Spent both Monday and Tuesday at home, watching vcds and tv, reading. Went to sch on Wed for the tourism project, and had lotsa fun doing it. I think it's gonna be the 'funnest' project ever. Though I hope we'll be able to find sufficient time to do it between the corp comm and the comm skills projects.
Went to sch again on Thurs for the corp comm project. Then rushed off to meet Liz and diyana in orchard to watch narnia. The movie was really good. Watching as a Christian, I couldn't help matching the various events to what really happened in the Bible. And the poignancy of the events really touched me. For non-believers, I guess it was a very entertaining and touching movie that told of an unconditional love from a lion. And the use of the various mythical creatures were great; the unicorn, the centaurs, the talking animals, the whispering trees, the mermaids, the dwarfs and giants.
Was back in school this afternoon, for corp comm again. Denise and I spent abt 4plus hrs doing up our brochure, and we were so damn proud of ourselves after that. Haha. BUt, we still have a long way to go before completing the project.
About my previous blog, if you were shocked or stunned by that entry, the matter is over. I do not know if it is a good idea to let the matter just past, but it has past, and I don't feel like talking abt it anymore. But my friend and I are on talking terms again, and sth similar might arise la, but I'll just take things as they come. No use worrying abt things that hasn't come.
Went to sch again on Thurs for the corp comm project. Then rushed off to meet Liz and diyana in orchard to watch narnia. The movie was really good. Watching as a Christian, I couldn't help matching the various events to what really happened in the Bible. And the poignancy of the events really touched me. For non-believers, I guess it was a very entertaining and touching movie that told of an unconditional love from a lion. And the use of the various mythical creatures were great; the unicorn, the centaurs, the talking animals, the whispering trees, the mermaids, the dwarfs and giants.
Was back in school this afternoon, for corp comm again. Denise and I spent abt 4plus hrs doing up our brochure, and we were so damn proud of ourselves after that. Haha. BUt, we still have a long way to go before completing the project.
About my previous blog, if you were shocked or stunned by that entry, the matter is over. I do not know if it is a good idea to let the matter just past, but it has past, and I don't feel like talking abt it anymore. But my friend and I are on talking terms again, and sth similar might arise la, but I'll just take things as they come. No use worrying abt things that hasn't come.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
To Meihui
Was I wrong when I blogged abt this on the 20th? I guess I am. Because you're feeling angry and hurt, and I just know, that our friendship will nv be the same again. My feelings on this are all mixed up together that I do not even know if I'm angry, indignant, guilty or simply sad. I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing, writing this on the Internet. But if I don't, this matter will just stay stagnant at this stage because we will definitely not talk this out face to face. I purposely dragged posting this till today because I didn't want my feelings to crowd my thinking.
After reading your blog, I can't help but realise that I don't know you at all. Why do we always expect ppl to understand us, when we don't tell ppl what had happened? I'm guilty of that, and so are thousands of ppl out there. I don't require you to pour out troubles to me if you don't want to. I just want an explanation. Not some excuse so that you can get out of the situation. 4 years, and you can't tell me that it's a family problem? I won't force the details out of you, you should know that. You can post on your blog that you have a problem and you can't tell me that in MSN? Am I such a failure as a supposedly good friend that you can't tell me that? I'm hurt too, you know that? I'm hurt because you would rather misunderstandings arise between us than tell me the truth. I'm hurt because after more than 4 years of friendship, I realise that we are not "good friends" after all. And I'm hurt because despite the time we spent together, we don't know each other at all.
Because of this matter, I find that I don't really understand you at all, and I know that all along, you have never known me. Almost nobody does.
I have no idea what my point is, for writing all these. But I guess, that our main issue is no longer the matter on Thurs. Our problem is communication. I can't believe that communication problems exist between friends too. How on earth did that happen?
At first, when I started writing this entry, I was feeling all indignant and upset that you had made things out to sound as if I was blaming you for all the wrong reasons. Then as I wrote the entry, the anger wore off, and I started to feel sad because you kept so many things from me and we just don't feel like friends anymore. This is the first big quarrel that we have in so many years, and I just don't know what to make of it. I really don't know what else to do other than to apologize. So, I'm sorry. Really really sorry for making you upset when you had enough things to worry about already. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions abt your reasons which resulted in the misunderstanding.
I don't know if it's me who made it so difficult for you to confide in, but I just want to tell you to treasure Jane and Xiurong. You know, I even feel a little jealous of Jane 'cos you tell her so many things. I don't remember doing any significant stuff for you before, and I seriously can't say that for the past 4 or 5 years, I have been a good friend to you. So I guess it is my bad, for putting you off. Maybe I was too assuming, too straightforward, too fierce, too demanding. And perhaps I moved too fast, said too much. Most probably, I came across as selfish.
I do not know if this entry will help salvage our friendship, but this is my peace offering. Sort of. You might decide to avoid anything to do with me for the next few days or even weeks and miss this, or you might read this the very next day I publish it. I just hope that we won't let this matter fester and infect our friendship fatally.
And lastly, I have some self-preserving things to say. I might offend you all over again, but I need to get this off my chest. I won't deny that I was pissed off when you told me that you'll miss our gathering because you were feeling tired from work. I would never act all happy and nonchalant when I am fustrated that once again, there's somebody absent from the group. I dislike ppl to do that to me so I don't do that to people.
I know you're going to act as if all these had never happened, that this conflict had never arisen and come between us. But is it going to help? Will the problem just go away and nv come to bother us again? After your entry and mine, I don't think so. Everytime you tell me or us that you cannot make it for a certain gathering, I'm going to wonder if the reason you tell us is true or another fabrication you came up with to protect yourself. This time, I really cannot just put this matter aside.
And I know you're really upset with me, because I don't think the others were are upset with you as I was. After reading Cheng's and ur msgs on both ur blogs, I just feel so, I dunno, inadequate as a friend, because I can't put this matter behind us, and because of many other reasons. I'm going to stop here, because I've said a lot. I've a dozen other stuff to say, but they will just come out wrong. Thanks for you card again.
After reading your blog, I can't help but realise that I don't know you at all. Why do we always expect ppl to understand us, when we don't tell ppl what had happened? I'm guilty of that, and so are thousands of ppl out there. I don't require you to pour out troubles to me if you don't want to. I just want an explanation. Not some excuse so that you can get out of the situation. 4 years, and you can't tell me that it's a family problem? I won't force the details out of you, you should know that. You can post on your blog that you have a problem and you can't tell me that in MSN? Am I such a failure as a supposedly good friend that you can't tell me that? I'm hurt too, you know that? I'm hurt because you would rather misunderstandings arise between us than tell me the truth. I'm hurt because after more than 4 years of friendship, I realise that we are not "good friends" after all. And I'm hurt because despite the time we spent together, we don't know each other at all.
Because of this matter, I find that I don't really understand you at all, and I know that all along, you have never known me. Almost nobody does.
I have no idea what my point is, for writing all these. But I guess, that our main issue is no longer the matter on Thurs. Our problem is communication. I can't believe that communication problems exist between friends too. How on earth did that happen?
At first, when I started writing this entry, I was feeling all indignant and upset that you had made things out to sound as if I was blaming you for all the wrong reasons. Then as I wrote the entry, the anger wore off, and I started to feel sad because you kept so many things from me and we just don't feel like friends anymore. This is the first big quarrel that we have in so many years, and I just don't know what to make of it. I really don't know what else to do other than to apologize. So, I'm sorry. Really really sorry for making you upset when you had enough things to worry about already. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions abt your reasons which resulted in the misunderstanding.
I don't know if it's me who made it so difficult for you to confide in, but I just want to tell you to treasure Jane and Xiurong. You know, I even feel a little jealous of Jane 'cos you tell her so many things. I don't remember doing any significant stuff for you before, and I seriously can't say that for the past 4 or 5 years, I have been a good friend to you. So I guess it is my bad, for putting you off. Maybe I was too assuming, too straightforward, too fierce, too demanding. And perhaps I moved too fast, said too much. Most probably, I came across as selfish.
I do not know if this entry will help salvage our friendship, but this is my peace offering. Sort of. You might decide to avoid anything to do with me for the next few days or even weeks and miss this, or you might read this the very next day I publish it. I just hope that we won't let this matter fester and infect our friendship fatally.
And lastly, I have some self-preserving things to say. I might offend you all over again, but I need to get this off my chest. I won't deny that I was pissed off when you told me that you'll miss our gathering because you were feeling tired from work. I would never act all happy and nonchalant when I am fustrated that once again, there's somebody absent from the group. I dislike ppl to do that to me so I don't do that to people.
I know you're going to act as if all these had never happened, that this conflict had never arisen and come between us. But is it going to help? Will the problem just go away and nv come to bother us again? After your entry and mine, I don't think so. Everytime you tell me or us that you cannot make it for a certain gathering, I'm going to wonder if the reason you tell us is true or another fabrication you came up with to protect yourself. This time, I really cannot just put this matter aside.
And I know you're really upset with me, because I don't think the others were are upset with you as I was. After reading Cheng's and ur msgs on both ur blogs, I just feel so, I dunno, inadequate as a friend, because I can't put this matter behind us, and because of many other reasons. I'm going to stop here, because I've said a lot. I've a dozen other stuff to say, but they will just come out wrong. Thanks for you card again.
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